Prince Arthur Herald columnist Neil Cameron presents his annual year in review Christmas Carol, ranging from Quebec politics to bad vampire movies; to be sung to the tune of "While shepherds watched their flocks by night".
Investors watched their stocks with fright, as Greece more broke was found;
Then Spain displayed another blight, its banks no more were sound;
The Germans sulked, but used their might, to keep the EC bound;
While Brits thanked God on island tight that they still had the pound.
The Queen drew lots of broad applause, in Diamond Jubilee;
While Will and Kate refreshed the cause of British monarchy,
Sis Pippa, too, drew 'oh's and 'ah's for fine callipygy;
Olympics played with no great flaws, but Cameron's still at sea.
The Middle East blew up once more, from Egypt through to Syria;
Salafi Muslims led uproar, and crowds displayed hysteria.
Pyongyang also threatened war, with richer South Korea;
All kinds of mess may be in store, a global cafeteria.
Republicans sent candidates, to primaries galore;
Engaged in grisly long debates, till no one wanted more.
They left a pile of broken plates, and fratricidal gore;
Mitt Romney struggled with the fates, but stayed a pleasant bore.
Obama thus is still the chief, though not by any flood;
His new term does not bring relief, with hope and change a dud.
Spin doctors spun, but found with grief, projections all were crud.
New panic now is fiscal cliff, and dive in sea of mud.
Petraeus fell in sad disgrace, an iron man melted down;
Biographix led him off base, Jill Kelley when in town;
This second bombshell was by race, a handsome Arab brown;
Who's led a social whirling pace, and made more generals clown.
The Harper Tories spent the year in pushing to the right;.
Of Trudeau fils they had no fear, nor of NDP might.
For CBC they shed no tear, while greens with rage turned white;
Long guns are now back in the clear, Quebec can fly a kite.
In Montreal, a student mass, resisted fee increase;
Rebellion of the workless class, which seemed would never cease.
Pauline Marois adored their brass, Charest slipped on the grease;
But Péquistes are in house of glass, and rule with short-term lease.
Corruption in construction trades, is being now unveiled;
Police are making frequent raids, but no one yet is jailed.
Mayor Tremblay given failing grades, so Applebaum prevailed;
Yet language cops may make new raids, as anglo mayor is hailed.
Toronto's mayor was also fired, for reasons rather weird;
McGuinty, too, was feeling tired, and also disappeared.
The penny, too, has been retired, and strange new bills appeared;
And hockey almost has expired, Lance Armstrong no more cheered.
We looked for joy in films instead, more HBO each year ;
As multiplexes in the red, try everything but beer.
The pretty vampires now have bred a little vampire dear;
Their coffins and their fangs are shed, they're bores who cause no fear.
The superheroes, too, grow odd, neurotic and depressed;
In search of missing dads or God, or just some loving nest.
Their hearts are warm, their minds are broad, a villain's just a pest;
Their heroism touched with fraud, retirement now looks best.
Now even Bond's by M betrayed, and near destroyed by drink;
And Lincoln shabby bargains made, Hitchcock consults a shrink;
Clint Eastwood played old man afraid, his daughter tries to link;
Brad Pitt does hit at Cogan's trade, just as stock markets sink.
How grim a year is in review, but entertaining, too;
The Mayor of Montreal's a Jew, James Bond's a deeper blue;
Some generals found without a clue, while sweetheart vampires grew;
The pols look like a stumbling crew, while Gangnam Style just flew.
It's all much better than it looks, there's always grounds for hope;
Just time to read some decent books, cut down on booze and dope;
Delight in friends and gifted cooks, give clowning pols some rope;
Its knights that checkmate, not the rooks, choose joy and cease to mope.
--Merry Christmas & Happy New Year from Neil Cameron, December, 2012.